good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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