When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
