i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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