i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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