I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize