Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My breasts were aching with rage.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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