I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
