yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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