he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
