So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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