how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
