so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
