I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize