; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize