She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
