Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
