no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
