trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize