Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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