are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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