Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize