I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
