We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My bed smells like the plague
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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