If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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