My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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