I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
