is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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