Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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