his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
