my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
