Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
