He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
