discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize