Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
