my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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