I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have aggressive nipples.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
