Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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