Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
