shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
