last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
