it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
