he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
