i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
