My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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