I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
