Pappa wants mamma naked
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
