just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
