Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
