please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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