Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
