wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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