I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize