Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So I just went to clothing optional bar
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
