Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
