and you said cock pushups were impossible
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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