nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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