I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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