We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
