I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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