so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
