I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
