Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
