So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize