i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
