Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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