and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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