It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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