Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
